podcast 2- termination of employment

Welcome to another edition of the explicator, I'm your host John Heulitzer

[music] - storm in a teacup

to explicate - or give a detailed explanation of, develop, analyze, explain meaning to un-fold from. The explicator explores human interaction in its limitless forms.

episode 2 - where we discuss termination of employment, James O'Mara, and this episode's drink of choice

[music] - Shove This JOB

When speaking of termination we have two basic ideas, voluntary and involuntary. The terms reflect the placement of responsibility. Society dictates that we are responsible for each of our actions. Therefore the majority of separation should be voluntary. This is reflected in Bureau of labor and statistics data which shows that 66% of total employee separation is for voluntary reasons.
(ref: http://www.bls.gov/news.release/empsit.t08.htm) - unemployed reasons
(ref: http://www.bls.gov/news.release/jolts.t13.htm) - separation levels 55,422
(ref: http://www.bls.gov/news.release/jolts.t15.htm) - quit levels 32,292
(ref: http://www.bls.gov/news.release/jolts.t17.htm) - layoff/discharge levels 18,911
(ref: http://www.bls.gov/news.release/jolts.t19.htm) - other 4,221

good-turnover
Turnover refers to the cycling of employees to replace those leaving an organization. It is widely accepted that turnover is a bad thing. The relationship between turnover percent and separation fees, rehiring, screening potential employees, and training costs is a direct one. It can be argued that there is such a thing as "good-turnover." An unproductive employee can be replaced by a cost-effective worker. In this regard hiring practices are just as important as termination practices. When an organization fails to properly utilize the necessary tools for screening new employees, the potential for hiring an unproductive employee increases. It is reasonable to assume that a percentage of these future "good-turnover" employees will slip through, even with thorough pre-employment screening measures.

All management should understand that they have the ability to out-wait any employee's tenure. Tyler Durden said "On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero" this can easily be applied to the "I can wait" management philosophy.

how to fire when you can't
Now that we have the potential for company improvement identified, we need to execute the "good-turnover" philosophy. When looking to terminate it can be frustrating to wait until policy is broken. Productivity can be an important determination of separation. If you already have an unproductive worker, take the additional time to focus on this area. Set realistic deadlines for projects and follow-up. Ensure the employee has the needed resources, including the required expectations. Continue to utilize company policy for underperformance as a means for separation. If this doesn't work utilize the following, seedy, technique and help solidify your employees' opinions of management: (step)
1. Gradually start treating the target employee better.
(This will improve your reputation and ensure you do not appear as the enemy.)
2. Assign tasks you know they perform well, with more than adequate time constraints, and praise them in front of management.
(This removes doubt that you want to rid them of employment.)
3. Put them in a project with people they hate.
(Pushing for group separation may bring them to confide in you.)
4. Start gradually increasing the task difficulty, with slightly unrealistic deadlines, and be supportive when the task is not completed.
(Allowing upper management to notice their incompetence will help distribute your target opinion.)
5. Start reassigning important projects to other employees while giving your mark trivial tasks.
(This can be explained with the "I want this finished on time" mentality)
6. Praise others in front of them
When this employee confides in you their concerns about no longer being happy in their position, it is okay to show compassion but nothing more. When the situation doesn't improve their work will slip more. If they don't resign, it will be justifiable to terminate for a performance issue.

It is important to note that the manager that put you in this situation was probably you. If you were a better manager and able to address issues as they arise you wouldn't be looking for an unethical solution.

How to get fired
If you'd like to relax more at work and are of the mindset to ditch your current job, Dawn McKay of about.com has this advice for you:
1. arrive late at work.
Drag yourself out of bed whenever you damn well please; remember it's your time, so indulge in breakfast or if it's later brunch.
2. eat at your desk
regular munching sessions are a proven way to shake troublesome employment.
3. when an hour isn't enough take two for lunch
un-timed naps frequently last longer than the traditional allotted time; this has the added benefit of helping you catch up on your REM sleep.
4. have a drink
alcohol is proven to relax muscles and judgment, easing the remainder of your workday
5. slow down after lunch
most managers understand that for the hour or so after the mid-day meal employees perform poorly. Why not take advantage of this.
6. misuse company net access
if you're fortunate enough not to be locked behind a firewall maximize the available bandwidth; it's readily available and cheap.
7. upset customers and clients
ignore them, don't return calls, and provide bad information. Often creative people become poor performers due to lack of mental stimulation. This is your chance to shine.
8. frequently reference your job description
nothing pisses off management more than the technicalities of the "that's not my job mentality"
this becomes more difficult when your employer slides in the all inclusive line, such as; "ability to work in other areas or departments."
9. leave work early
getting that extra jump on rush-hour can simplify an otherwise hectic day
10. allow your personal hygiene to slip
knock these standards down a few steps by eating aromatic food, failing to brush, arriving with morning hair, and allowing finger-nails to become unkempt. The majority of management has little experience dealing with this sensitive topic. Eventually your manager may sit down for a discussion. Add entertainment value to this already uncomfortable situation by not recognizing the issue and insisting that you were unaware of any adverse effects. Something as subjective as hygiene is always difficult to define.

suggestions for termination
When terminating an employee for voluntary reasons, ensure you have all required documentation.
Be specific as to the reason.
If the employee wishes to discuss the termination, humor them with sarcasm and callousness, after all this wasn't your decision, it was theirs.

When implementing a reduction of workforce policy, be prepared for added unpleasantness including manic emotions. Be specific to the terms of separation and focus on the business need. It is imperative that we follow the unbiased last-in first-out policy to establish balanced results.

It never feels good to terminate someone's employment. I have yet to get the warm-fuzzy feeling that one may receive from any positive interaction, and hope to never move into this sketchy realm. Once we cross our comfort zone, the potential to become callus in regards to the other party increases greatly. Yet, why should we consider this perspective. When done properly the ending of employment is better for the business. The right reason must be the business reason. Regarding voluntary termination, the decision is seldom, rather never, a personal choice of the firing manager. The actions of the party in question are a history in fact. Society trusts that we are responsible for ourselves. We derive that every situation allows for a choice. Therefore, we self-terminate.

This idea is what I utilize to maintain my sense of person. I tend to stop thinking in terms of specific effects. It is part of the job; as long as I am guided by logic all will be well. I enjoy having every available fact when making the determination to end employment. On occasion an unrest approaches and tugs at my heel, calling in question the events surrounding said situation. I like to think this wrench in the works is my seed for discomfort. As much as my sarcasm projects one image, my reaction to this job function ensures my belonging. I hope to never shed this discomfort, completely.

Additional information including links to the fired blog; available at 19f.org
http://www.simplyfired.com/blog/fired/

[music] - beastie boys: something's got to give (obscured from history)

Born august 6, 1873 in Limerick, Ireland - James O'Mara was educated at Royal University, earning his Bachelor of Arts in 1898. In the 1900 O'Mara was elected to the British house of commons as an Irish representative. He resigned from parliament to join the Irish independent movement. During his tenure in parliament, O'Mara introduced the "bank holiday act" in 1903 making saint Patrick's day a national Irish holiday. In 1905 O'Mara introduced bill #115 its title, "Bill to enforce the closing of Licensed Premises on St. Patrick's Day in Ireland" which annually closed Irish pubs on march 17th and took over seventy years to repeal.

Speaking on tradition and pubs

March 17th marks the death of St Patrick. Legend speaks of his sermons that drove the snakes from Ireland and how he used a shamrock to teach the holy trinity. Although st. paddy has never officially been canonized by the catholic church his memory is widely celebrated on at least four continents.

What year was st. paddy's day first publicly celebrated in the united states?
1737, and the city, was Boston Mass.

Slurp

[music] - big bag voodoo daddy: go daddy-o (drink of choice)

Traditional holiday drinks include green beer and anything sounding Irish. Our cocktail adheres to this tradition with the substitution of green ingredients. Certainly anyone who consumes enough emerald liquid will be praying to a Christian god by morning. As tradition dictates we march on the 17th, and rest on the 18th with the
Amaretto Stinger
You will need:
One martini glass (known as a cocktail glass)
Ice
1.5 oz amaretto
0.75 oz Crème de Menthe
(and make damn sure it's green laddy or we can't save your immortal soul)

Chill your cocktail glass by placing ice in it and set aside
Shake your ingredients with ice
Remove ice from cocktail glass and strain the drink into the glass

Now you are ready convert pagans to Christianity in the traditional way, drowning the demons from the heathens.

That about wraps up episode two, tune in next time when we discuss "confrontation & emotional response"

You should know that the explicator is produced by banned studios in association with 19f.org

Questions and comments should be directed to e@19f.org

utilize our message center by dialing 615-312-8993 that's 615-312-8993

This is John Heulitzer saying, "free the heathens"

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